


every beginning is only a sequel

by OTTLCWPTTISPSBQNBTTKs_bitch



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Epistolary, F/F, its not the love simon au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22051708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTTLCWPTTISPSBQNBTTKs_bitch/pseuds/OTTLCWPTTISPSBQNBTTKs_bitch
Summary: YouTuber Emma gets an anonymous message from a fan. She writes back. Set before the musical.It's really not a Love, Simon AU. Except in spirit.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**25 FEB @** **10:32PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Hi Emma 

I'm writing this half hoping you'll see it and half hoping I won't hit send when I get to the end. But who checks their messages in a throwaway account anyway? So, maybe I'll never have to worry about you writing back.  
I don't really know why I'm doing this. Well, I do. I've been watching your videos for awhile. Guess you could say I'm a fan. I just watched the latest one and you said in your intro being alone at school gives you time to think about the songs you want to write. And, something about the way you said it, l guess it made me want to share with you that someone watching your videos goes to the same school. I go to school with you. I wanted you to know that you're not really alone. Maybe so I won't feel so alone? I don't know.

Annie

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**26 FEB @ 8:41PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

Hello Annie,

Hi. As you can see from this reply I do check the throwaway. Maybe that makes me the saddest, loneliest person in the world. But thank you for writing? I don't remember all my rambling intros. It's like... I get so nervous I just rush through them so I can get on with actually singing and playing. 

So I hope this doesn't come off as being… idk weird? But how do I know you really go to my school? Annie wouldn’t be your real name either, would it? Like that would be too easy if you were actually someone I could look up in the yearbook. Hmmmmmm.

Sorry. Paranoid.

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**26 FEB @ 10:20PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

We go to James Madison High School in Edgewater. I won't tell you my age. I'm just like every other JMHS student. Just trying to survive the hell that's high school without being too damaged. But, I’m also like you. I hope you understand.  
Nope, Annie isn't actually my name. She's just someone I got to know recently. She's from New York. I can't tell you my real name, for obvious reasons. You have a right to be suspicious but I come in peace, I promise. And I'm so glad you decided to write back. 

Annie

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**27 FEB @ 7:45PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

Hi Annie

Maybe you googled that or I dunno... Maybe I mentioned in my videos. I know I probably definitely said things about school. And I definitely probably have said a bunch of times I live in Indiana. It's crazy now that I think about it... how much I expose myself. Haha. And maybe you have mad google skills.

I'm sorry. Yes, still paranoid. But I don't know why I keep responding. It's like... I want to believe you but I'm scared that you're just some troll with a lot of time on their hands. (And really good at googling.)

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**28 FEB @ 11:13PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

I don't know what else I can say to prove to you that we both live in the same tiny town and go to the same school without revealing too much of myself. So, I'm just going to say this: Band closet.

Annie

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**01 MAR @ 6:58AM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

Hi Annie

Wow. Ok. Wow. Let me think here. I feel like I'm at a disadvantage. You know where I hide at lunch and... I'm frankly a little shook. Like, I know I asked for proof but now that I know you're actually someone at school, I feel… not scared?! Even if you seem to have been watching me. Is that weird?? Shouldn't I feel like you're a stalker?!!!

And… I don't even know who you are except you’re a girl who goes to my school and you want to remain anonymous. (You said you're like me, so I'm assuming a girl unless… maybe I shouldn't. Sorry!)

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**01 MAR @ 10:21PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

So I've gone from being a troll to a stalker? And I wasn't stalking. I only saw you head to the closet once when I was late to lunch. Honest! But then I started noticing that you pretty much are never in the cafeteria during lunch.   
Yes, I'm a girl. And I have to stay anonymous because even though I'm like you, I'm not brave like you. Do you get it? Let me say it clearly - I'm gay too. But I'm not out. I can't come out because, well, you of all people probably understand why. I'm sorry, that sounds horrible.  
I just realized this is the first time I've ever said the words out loud. Or typed it. Basically the first time "I'm gay" has ever existed outside of my head.  
I can't really say more. If I tell you too much I have to stop writing. And I'm really enjoying writing to you.

Annie

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**02 MAR @ 8:12PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

Annie

Congratulations, you've been upgraded from stalker to harmless anonymous fellow student! 

Real talk? Thank you for sharing that with me. I know, believe me, I *know* how hard it is to say it out loud. You probably know about how my parents basically kicked me out after I came out to them. It felt like everyone in school knew. Anywayyyy. It's okay to say it, even if you can only say it out loud here. I'm glad you can say it to me.

So, I was thinking if like, we could keep writing, now that we I have moved past my dumb paranoia... maybe be half anonymous friends? 

Tell me things that friends know about each other. But like things that won’t give your secret identity away? What kind of music do you like? What do you like to watch? I'll go first. All the Netflix. All the time. Stranger Things is what everyone's into right now right? But I can't binge that cause I watch it with my grandma.

Oh, books. My faves: the Harry Potter series, of course. (But before that, Anne of Green Gables was *everything*) What do you like to read? Besides Annie on My Mind. I'm kinda sorta just guessing... because you said you met Annie and she was from NYC. Did I get that one right?

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**02 MAR @ 11:30PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

Okay. That was pretty smooth how you slid that one in there. I made it too obvious. Picking a book about two girls falling in love. Maybe I was talking about the musical? Okay, I wasn’t.   
We don't get Netflix. My mom basically decides everything at our house and well, we have cable. So that's that. I only get to watch stuff when I'm hanging out at my friend's house. And, wait for this, are you ready - I’ve never read Harry Potter either. No, wait, that’s a lie. We read it in grade school, the first book. But when my mom found out she came to my class and put a stop to that. It was really embarrassing and I never picked it up since.  
Music? I thought it would be obvious? I like your singing. You were amazing at the assembly last Fall, you know? 

A, not Annie

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**04 MAR @ 10:25AM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

A(nonymous) (but not Annie)

Oh no! You’ve never read The HP? But you must. Take my books! I can leave them at school and you can read them secretly away from your mom. And then you have to take the pottermore quiz and get sorted into a house. You strike me as a Hufflepuff.

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**07 MAR @ 9:44PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

I think I’ll live not reading *The HP*. And like, my mom probably objected to it back then only because the pastor at our church had talked about the occult hiding in children's books something something. I bet she’s probably forgotten all that by now. There’s always something new for her to stress out about. Last week it was homeless people hanging on Main St. and outside the public library. But not because she was concerned about them. More like what it’s going to do to our crime rate downtown.  
So back to the point - if I ever really want to read “the HP” I could probably just rock up to the library and borrow them. Thanks, though!  
What else do friends talk about? Hm. Something about their daily lives? Like, the pep rally we had today?? Where our teachers tried to do a flash mob like it's 2009??? Yikes. Also, not to be stalkerish, but I don’t think I saw you there.

(Just) A

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**08 MAR @ 7:28PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

A 

Ok, ok, I can tell you’re mocking me with _The HP_. You’re about as subtle as an anvil to the head, you know?

Soooo don't be jealous but I managed to get out of going to the rally yesterday because I was helping Mrs Khan with her internet problems. (It's not *actually* the internet. She just keeps forgetting to send stuff to the right printer but I got to stay in the office and away from the horde. Don't tell!) The flash mob sounds like it was… wild? Totally explains why Mr Hawkins looked super constipated when he left for the gym. 

Other than that, today was boring. Mr Henderson had a sub. Maybe you know this. Maybe you're in Advanced English with me. I can’t help but wonder if I have seen you. If we’ve ever talked? If maybe... I even know you?! That would be really crazy. Like plot of a YA novel crazy. 

I think I made a few people uncomfortable staring at them trying to figure out if they were you. 

Would you tell me if I’ve ever spoken to you?

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**09 MAR @ 8:34PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

Today was looong. I can barely keep my eyes open as I type this. But I wanted to write you back first before I get started on homework. So apologies for typos or dumb autocorrects.   
I'm going to disappoint you because I'm not answering any of those questions. Sometimes I come so close to doing it though, you have no idea. I want to reveal who I am because, well, you already know my biggest secret. And if I reveal myself to you I can at least be real with one person in this entire school, in my entire life. But then something stops me. Something says if I stop lying to myself then I have to work even harder at lying to everyone else. Story of my life.  
I will say this - I saw you last week and we did make eye contact. You wouldn't have known, but I was suddenly so afraid you knew exactly who I was when you looked at me. And you know what’s even crazier? I wanted to wave at you like we were actually friends.

A

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**09 MAR @ 8:55 PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

A

Okay, at least I can eliminate the few people I talk to and are friendly with. Because you said waving at me would mean the jig is up.

And what are you talking about? We *are* friends. Friends can be anonymous. 

I’m sorry you’re tired. If you read this while it’s still early, maybe grab a power nap? I feel you with homework. I try to get them done as soon as I get home so I can work on songs at night or hang out with my grandma. Tonight though we were watching some Great British Baking Show. I have never seen anyone get as worked up over Italian meringue as my grandma. Oh man, you don’t have netflix. Oops. But yeah, I’m just such a cool kid, always hanging with her grandmother or doing song covers.

Oh! I’m actually gonna record one tonight after this! I won’t spoil it. You’ll just have to wait for it to be uploaded. It’s actually a song I’ve wanted to cover ever since I heard it but never really got around to it. But talking (writing?) to you lately sort of made me think of it again so it felt like it was the right time.

Emma

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**10 MAR @ 8:09 PM  
** **FROM: anon19819  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma…

“The jig is up”? Who talks like that??  
Ms. Quinn is a slave driver and, once again, I still have homework to do after this.   
You know that just because I don’t have Netflix doesn’t mean I can’t like, look stuff up online right? You also know there’s this website where people can like share all kinds of videos and - this is gonna blow your mind - even videos of themselves doing song covers?  
And I just looked on this magical site. You haven’t uploaded a new video like you said you would. Which song is it?! I’m dying to know!

A

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**10 MAR @ 8:10 PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

I think you’re a sophomore like me ms q only teaches sophomore courses this year I only know this because when I helped mrs khan print the new schedules she had to redo all of ms quinn's. Am i right?

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**10 MAR @ 8:22 PM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

Wait. I don’t know how to unsend messages here. Please don’t take that last one seriously. We can pretend I never said that ok?

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**15 MAR @ 12:13 AM  
** **FROM: emma66526  
** **TO: anon19819**

A

I’m sorry. Please don’t stop writing. I promise to not ask questions anymore or try to figure out who you are. I just want to know that you’re ok. That you’re safe. I'm sorry.

Em


	2. Chapter 2

**\--------------------------------------------------------  
**

**18 MAR @ 6:48AM** **  
** **FROM: emma66526** **  
** **TO: anon19819**

A

I can’t stop thinking that I’m just really sorry. That I freaked you out with the Ms Q thing. 

I had a dream last night that we met. But it’s the kind of dream where I couldn’t see faces, or, really anything? It was more of a ‘feelings’ dream than a ‘seeing’ kind of dream. I don’t know how to explain it, I just knew that you were you and I was me, and we were in the same physical space. And I waved at you. And then I woke up. 

E

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**18 MAR @ 9:06PM** **  
** **FROM: emma66526** **  
** **TO: anon19819**

A

At school I kept looking to see if any faces would make sense. Like, as if I would know you suddenly from a dream that had no faces. Am I being weird again? I’m sorry. 

I realized I never responded to some things you said in your messages. I reread them so here we go. Thank you for saying you like my music. It’s really nice to know that someone else found something good from it? So I guess this is the perfect time to tell you about the song I was going to cover but I didn't because, well... I really messed up that night and forgot about it.

There’s this song about how feeling happy can be temporary. And it's ok that we’re not always happy. And the moments when we can be happy we should cherish it. Like... I'm doing okay at school and that's a good thing. I have my gran who is just the coolest. You'd like her. And writing to you is also a happy. I'm going to keep doing it. I hope that's ok. You don't have to write back. Maybe you never want to. But I hope one day you can feel safe enough to write back. I’m going to stop writing because reading back this whole thing doesn’t make a lot of sense. 

Music makes more sense so I’m going to do that. I'm going to record the video and upload it tonight. I hope you’ll see it and you’ll understand what I was trying to say.

E

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**21 MAR @ 8:25PM** **  
** **FROM: emma66526** **  
** **TO: anon19819**

A

Today I think I had my first panic attack? I don’t really know. When I got home I started reading some stuff on the internet about what it feels like and it sorta makes sense? I mean, can we trust everything on the internet? 

I still don’t know what happened but in second period I started having trouble breathing. It felt like there was this invisible fist pushing up so hard against my diaphragm and I couldn't take in air. I went to ask Mrs. Eckhart to be excused and before I could even get a word out she just pointed to the door and said, “Nurse. Go.” Haha. Felt like I was gonna throw up the whole way there. And the floor suddenly felt like I was walking in a bouncy castle. 

Anyway, I must have really looked awful cause the nurse sat with me and then we had to count to ten together. That’s supposed to help me learn to breathe again. She said I should do that the next time it happens. Then I stayed there the rest of the day. She said it was cool if I wanted to.

When I was laying there, I started writing this message in my head to you. It’s like, I can say these things to you and you won’t think I’m crazy. And plus, you wouldn’t fuss over me like gran would if she heard about what happened. 

So, in old timey letters people write “I hope this finds you well” right? Well, I really hope that when you find this, you’re doing well. (That’s too many wells in one sentence but I’m just going to leave it.)

E

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**21 MAR @ 11:47 PM** ****  
**FROM: anon19819** **  
** **TO: emma66526**

Emma

I’ve written this message over and over again. Every time I start over it still sounds like I’m making an excuse for my actions. You deserve more than excuses. I am really, really sorry I disappeared like that.  
I like that we were becoming friends. But I can’t be your friend when I’m only doing that in words and then I pretend you don’t exist the rest of the time. Because when we’re at school I see what you go through, I hear the things they whisper about you and I hate that I can’t support you like a real friend would.   
I want you to know who I am, I want you to know that you can look across the room next time you need a friendly face. I know that it’s not much. It’s almost an insult. And I would understand if you decide that this isn’t worth your time.  
This Friday, 4pm. The bench in the small field just across from the faculty parking lot. 

A

**\--------------------------------------------------------**

**22 MARCH, 4:00 PM**

Emma arrived at the field twenty minutes ago. She knew she was going to be early but she’d rather be the one waiting. The thought of walking up to someone, someone like A, whoever she was, had stressed her out.

She was on the bench, whistling tunelessly to herself when she heard quick footsteps approaching behind her. Her heart began to race. She stared at the clock on her phone, her body frozen with tension, unable to move.

“Hi, Emma.”

In the second it took for Emma to turn around three thoughts jostled around in her mind.

One: It was only two words but Emma recognized the voice immediately. It belonged to Alyssa Greene, who Emma had casually thought was the prettiest girl in sophomore year.

Two: She should be afraid that it’s Alyssa. Her social circle seemed to be made up of JV mean girls - not quite as terrifying as the seniors but their proximity meant it was easier to make Emma’s life miserable. But, surprisingly, instead of dread she felt the tension release from her body. 

Three: … what was three? 

“Emma?” 

When she heard her name called again Emma blinked and got to her feet, her heart still thudding in her chest. 

“Alyssa.” Emma breathed the name as if not believing that she’d said it aloud. 

The brown haired girl ducked her head when she heard her name. When she looked back up, there was a rueful smile on her face. “Yeah. Sorry I’m late. Great first impression, huh?”

“So, you’re A?” Emma asked haltingly and feeling dumb the minute the words came out of her.

Alyssa’s smile faded. “Am I– are you… disappointed?” 

Emma frowned at this. “I just. I don’t know what to _say_?” 

A burst of laughter came from Alyssa as though she was relieved to hear Emma say that. “Me neither!”

Emma held out her hand and said, “Let’s just... start again? New beginnings, okay? I’m Emma.”

Alyssa took Emma’s hand. “Hi, Emma. I’m Alyssa.” They both laughed at the formality and absurdity of the moment. “I watch your youtube videos and...,” Alyssa paused when her eyes caught Emma’s. “I’m really glad to finally meet you.”

With Alyssa’s hand in hers the third thought came hurtling back to Emma.

Three: She had no idea how, or what, or even why but Emma knew she would do anything for Alyssa Greene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma covered 'Dear Happy' by dodie ft. Thomas Sanders www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQVXm-imzoA
> 
> I appreciate every single one of you reading this story. Thank you.


End file.
